The Foreigner’s Dilemma

As a foreigner, you often find yourself in new situations and are unsure of the correct social conduct. Even everyday situations, which you have frequently experienced in your native country, may seem suddenly unfamiliar in your new home because the locals have different norms for the circumstances. Despite my familiarity with German culture, situations still occur in which I am completely unsure of the appropriate behavior. This has, on occasion, led to a case or two of social anxiety.

As part of my training to be a student assistant, I recently attended a workshop at the university. The session was conducted in German and sparsely attended—there were three students altogether, including myself. The situation triggered a bout of nervousness. I rarely use German outside of a language classroom or casual conversation. Additionally, there wasn’t a chance for me to hide inconspicuously among the other students.

Amid the workshop’s barrage of technical words, I realized that I was unsure of how to appropriately thank the presenter once the session was complete. Throughout the two-hour presentation, I considered what the correct response would be. The idea of clapping was completely discarded; this simply isn’t done in German academic settings. Instead, students typically knock on their desks after presentations or lectures to show their gratitude. Due to the size and nature of the workshop, however, knocking seemed too formal. As the session progressed, I attempted to brainstorm other possible responses but came up with nothing. Therefore, the big question became: to knock or not to knock? Finally, I decided if the other two students began to knock, I would quickly join in.

While the presenter was summarizing his final points, I anxiously shifted in my chair and awaited the end of his presentation. Finally, he gave his last words and thanked us for our attention. The moment had arrived; my hand was curled into a fist, ready if necessary to knock on my desk. Without a second delay, the other two students responded in unison with “Danke!”

Internally, I panicked. The appropriate response had presented itself and the moment had already passed. I couldn’t say thank you now; I would be that self-absorbed, ungrateful person who only remembered to show appreciation after others already had. Feeling like a complete and utter foreigner, I shoved all of my materials into my backpack, threw on my winter jacket, and bolted out of the room without a word of thank you or goodbye.

Minutes later, as I was walking home in the fresh air, I couldn’t help but laugh at myself. If I was hoping to blend in, speeding out of the room certainly wasn’t the most discreet course of action. There are so many challenges of living abroad—learning a new language, understanding the local culture, or developing a new social network. One of the most difficult challenges to overcome is the feeling of being a foreigner—being strange, being inappropriate, being an outsider. The most helpful tool, however, is to simply laugh at yourself and move on.